Letting Go

It is possibly time, to let go. Or, I’m possibly late in letting go. I’ve hung on for too long, only because I held hope.
What now drives my decision? How I am being treated. It has become rather obvious that the friend has already left me. I am not treated like a friend, at all. If this is her definition of being a friend then, it is also, kinda sad. Then again, after the couple of months as a “better” friend, I know this friend is capable of being nicer. If she wants to.

Sadly, I have been flicked off her plate. Occasionally (so far) when she remembers I’m off the plate, she will pick me up again. Before flicking me off again.

Seriously. Do I have to put up with this? At this point, I would say, no. It has been some emotional roller coaster ride so far.

While we have had about 2 talks on the state of our friendship, nothing has seemed to improved. Instead, it might have just gotten worse.

This morning, as a friend, I simply asked a random qns.. which, was on my mind. A little part of me knows I should not have asked the qns. Yet, it was a question mark that I had to correct into a full-stop. So, who better to clarify with, than the person in question itself? Ok.. the question did not go too well with the friend and she has ignored me since then. Much sensitivity huh. I was not expecting such a bad reaction.

I’m a little taken aback and puzzled at the reaction, then again, it seems the reaction is to be expected. If I am right, the friend is pissed off with me for seemingly “not knowing her, and can actually ask such a question.

While an apology is possible, it seems rather strange if I should initiate an apology when there was no outright verbalisation that she is angry. I am just assuming her anger because of her reaction and subsequent ignore.

I will let the matter die out on its own. Should the opportunity present itself, I will apologise. However, as I see it, the way our friendship has spiralled down, our communications are not as free and open as before. I now hesitate to share certain information with her… for fear that she would be sensitive.

There have been occasions I shared items with her, only to be ignored. As if she did not bother about what I shared. So really, why disturb and bother her?

Does she really not like me as a friend anymore? Or, are there more serious underlying concerns that have not been sorted, thus the animosity?

The friend has never admitted to there being issues with our friendship though. Which well, is kind of a problem in itself isn’t ? Why hide if there are issues.

Sometimes, I think I’m over-thinking too many things. But, with the experiences, how not to think? Will things really be better if I stop thinking?

Dear God.. I submit this friendship into Your hands. Pls help us, if really, there is anything worth salvaging of this friendship. You know, it hurts me to actually think of letting this friendship go. Yet, this pain is getting too much to bear. And this is the only way I can think of, to minimize and eliminate the pain in the long term.
Pls Lord, put your hand into this friendship.

Stop the pain, heal the wounds and take away the pain. If need be, let us re-start it, all over again. Pls Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

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