Questioning God

Have you ever been in a state so bad and deep, you start questioning God and His presence?

I am, currently in that state.

Dear God. Why.
Even the friend that I wish to have close by me.. has now turned away when I ask for help. Can’t fault anyone if I don’t ask for help. But, can you fault the one who turns away when you ask for help?

Why God. Do you really think I can deal with this right now. To have people closest to me, turn away? What is your plan really. To show me who my real friends are? That I have been wasting my time on the wrong people?

I honestly do not know anymore, if I am frustrated or angry, or tired. I have been barely going through day by day. Doing the bare minimum to get through.

I have found much solace in watching drama shows online. Living out in the world of the show’s characters. Forgetting my own. Who am I now? I don’t know.

Yet sometimes, I somewhat find some energy reserves to lend out the arm(s) I still have, to those who do require my help.

Dear God, dear Friend. Why. Have you, forsaken me?

The blunt blade has been pierced into me, don’t torture me by repeatedly running the blade in and out of my body. Either kill me off totally or, pull out the blade and let me heal.

God help. Please. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.

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